Tag Archives: Never Eat Alone
12 Years Later – Update on Never Eating Alone
One of the books that Randy Mayeux presented at the First Friday Book Synopsis approximately ten years ago is Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time (Crown, 2005). The author is Keith Ferrazzi.
Of course, the assumption behind the book is that there are people to eat with.
I thought it was interesting today in a column written by Cassandra Jaramillo,
published in the Dallas Morning News, entitled “Let’s Talk Over Lunch,” (June 26, 2017, p. E1), that fewer people are actually going out to lunch. That means there are fewer people to talk with, and even fewer to develop relationships with.
The article presents statistics that reveal Americans made 433 million fewer trips to restaurants for lunch last year. Financially, translates into lost business of more than $3.2 billion.
Anecdotally, the article notes that if you live in the DFW area, this is not the case. The sub-title of the article is “The business crowd in North Texas defies national trend.” Undocumented observations in the article indicate that the lunch crowd is very strong here. Many restaurants, including some high-end varieties, are even now providing additional take-out options.
This may be the case. I rarely eat with anyone, including lunch. But, the few times that I do, it all depends upon where I am. Price does not seem to be an issue. For example, I am amazed at the packed crowds at Pappadeaux’s, which even at luncheon prices, would set you back about $25 per person.
Historically, I can tell you that the trend is not accurate. I am an active member of the Dallas High Noon Club. We meet weekly on Thursdays at the Hilton Doubletree Love Field hotel. The lunch is only $15, including salad, entrée, dessert, and tea or coffee. The meal value is likely about $30. Yet, we get only about 20 participants each week. I first spoke to this club in 1995, before I was even a member. The club met downtown then, and drew approximately 100 attendees at the same price we now charge. In other words, the attrition is about 80% in about 22 years.
There are two factors at work here. One, do you wish to spend the time to eat lunch with someone else? Pssst…it takes longer than eating by yourself. And, second, do you have someone you would like to eat lunch with? If you can’t answer the second question, you cannot even consider the first.
My business partner, Randy Mayeux, is strong at this endeavor. He holds regular lunch meetings with others on both relationship and business issues. He agrees with the premises in the book that he presented over a decade ago.
Whether I agree or disagree with those premises is irrelevant at this time. My situation now does not allow me to eat lunch with others. Perhaps in 6-8 weeks that will change. But, in the meantime, I am considering making a list of people I would like to meet to eat lunch with. We’ll see if that materializes.
P.S. – If the Dallas High Noon Club is of interest to you, you can get information about the weekly program by calling (214) 638-0345.
Mix and Mingle and Network Your Way To Success – Definitely the Way the Game is Played in 2012
“Needy politicians, like Bill Clinton, recharge at political events,” says Alter. “But, for Obama, they deplete rather than create energy.”
Maureen Dowd, The Ungrateful President, 8/8/12
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Call it what you want. The ability to schmooze. The ability to network. The ability to meet new people, hover around and have good, meaningful conversations, the ability to network.
But it boils down to this. You’ve got to get out there and mix and mingle and meet and converse and interact.
So, I was reading the Maureen Dowd column, quoted above, and realized that there is a simple test to see if you are a “natural” at this or not. Here is the test:
After you have mixed and mingled for a while, do you feel energized, or drained?
If you are energized, thank your lucky stars (or your parents’ genes, or your God). If you feel drained, I’m sorry. But, even if you feel drained, you’ve got to make yourself get out there and do it. (You know – “just do it!”). There is no other path to business success, business connections, a better business future, than the path of being really good at making and nurturing connections with other people.
Does it matter where you do this? Not that much. Sure, some gatherings are more fertile for great connections than others, but you never know when that one conversation, no matter where it happens, will put you on the right path for the next breakthrough moment for your career.
It may not matter where you connect, but it does matter how often you do it. So, how often? Really, really often. Regularly. Weekly. More than once a week. All the time.
Consider these quotes from the terrific book (kind of the “get out there and meet folks” classic book) by Keith Ferrazzi: Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time (The Ultimate Networker Reveals How to Build a Lifelong Community of Colleagues, Contacts, Friends, and Mentors):
“Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.” (Margaret Wheatley).
“There is no such thing as a “self-made” man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success.” (George Burton Adams).
Sticking to the people we already know is a tempting behavior. But unlike some forms of dating, a networker isn’t looking to achieve only a single successful union. Creating an enriching circle of trusted relationships requires one to be out there, in the mix, all the time.
In one word, Connect. In four better words: Connect with the connectors.
So, what are you doing sitting at your computer reading this. Get out there and meet some folks. Today! And tomorrow. And next week.
And learn to let this energize you. Because nothing is more energizing than the right conversation with the right person on the right issue. Right?
We Function In A True ZigZag World (thoughts on today’s career paths)
So I was at a nice size conference table, with a group of smart people, and as we went around the circle, the stories of where they now work and where they did work – some changing companies, some changing careers, some many times over the last couple of decades… – made me realize that yes, it is true, it is a zigzag career path world.
Here’s the quote that came to mind:
Lifetime corporate employment is dead; we’re all free agents now, managing our own careers across multiple careers across multiple jobs and companies. And because today’s primary currency is information, a wide-reaching network is one of the surest ways to become and remain thought leaders of our respective fields.
Keith Ferrazzi, Never Eat Alone
And I remember so much from the books over the last few years, like: you are your own brand; you have to market yourself, continually; and you get your next job not from your friends, but from acquaintances, not from those strong ties, but from the vast network you have created — Never Eat Alone!).
And then I thought about all the ways we have to keep learning, and then reinventing ourselves, because our next job may require almost a completely different knowledge and skill set.
So, never stop learning. It is a volatile world out there, and whatever your path will be, it will be partly unpredictable… It will likely be a zigzag path.
Networking + Content = Greater Value
Lifetime corporate employment is dead; we’re all free agents now, managing our own careers across multiple careers across multiple jobs and companies. And because today’s primary currency is information, a wide-reaching network is one of the surest ways to become and remain thought leaders of our respective fields.
Keith Ferrazzi, Never Eat Alone And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time
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Fact: Networking has never been more important.
Problem: So many networking events turn out to be something of a waste of time.
But we don’t know which events will be worth it – and which will be really valuable.
What to do?
Let me weigh in with a simple observation. We really are able to do two things at once – or, at least, squeeze two purposes into one gathering.
So, let’s try this formula:
Networking + Content = Greater Value.
OK, I admit, I’m biased. But, yes, I have just described the First Friday Book Synopsis. For nearly thirteen full years, Karl Krayer and I have led a monthly event that has both of these two ingredients with, what I think, is just the right mix. On the first Friday of January, nearly 120 people gathered for great networking. They arrived beginning at 6:40 am, and mingled, conversed, exchanged business cards, met new people, and talked about how they could help and support each other.
And then, at 7:25, the content started, with two fast paced synopses of two terrific books, each with a valuable multi-page handout.
At 8:05, we were finished. The networking continued for many, but those who needed to go elsewhere were out the door just after 8:05.
I think this formula is a good one for any networking group/event.
Of course, there are many ways to facilitate the networking component. And there are many ways to provide terrific content – a good speaker; useful topics. I admit, again, that I am biased toward our formula, because it has a built-in “keep it current” approach. The books themselves provide a constantly changing “topic,” because each good business book offers valuable help/wisdom/counsel to those who aspire toward life-long learning and constant improvement. And, this is always the essence of content: “how can I keep learning in order to keep getting better?”
For those who just want to network, make sure you have adequate time built in to do that. For those who want just content, make it worth their while. And for those who seek both, this formula is a slam dunk.
Networking + Content = Greater Value.
or, maybe…
Content + Networking = Greater Value.
Have a Conversation – It’s The Heart of Networking, and so much more
Last Friday, I presented my synopsis of the book Power by Jeffery Pfeffer. I referred to Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi. As I thought about these books, I thought about a skill that is so front and center obvious. In these, and many other books, it is taken for granted, but it probably should be mentioned, and reinforced often: the skill of being a good conversationalist really is the starting place for everything else that follows.
Are you good at the art of conversation? If you are, consider yourself lucky. If not – you’ve got some work to do.
Years ago I heard this definiton (I forget where I heard this, or who said it – my apology to the source):
What is a conversation? The first person speaks while the second person listens. Then the second person speaks while the first person listens. This is called turn-taking.
This is so simple – yet profound. When the other person is speaking, it is your job to listen. It is not your job to be thinking about what you will say next, what you will say in response… but it is your job to listen. If you take your turn at listening, with sincerity and respect and focus, then you have a better chance at being heard when it us your turn to speak.
Anything less than this “listen-speak” turn-taking is not quite a true conversation.
I have not read this book, but I have put it in my “one of these days” stack (so many books – so little time): The Art of Conversation: A Guided Tour of a Neglected Pleasure by Catherine Blyth. Here are a few lines from the book (thanks to Amazon “first pages”)”
All communication is dialogue…
Don’t talk to strangers” Don’t speak until spoken to?
Forget it. Inhibition is useless. How do you start a conversation? Simple: Say hi. It’s easy to say.
And here are three of her five maxims:
Think before you speak.
Listen more than speak.
Take turns.
So, here is your assignment for the week. Have some good conversations. Starting today…
The Time Flies By — Did You Market, Did You Network, This Week? What About Next Week?
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run…
Rudyard Kipling, IfLifetime corporate employment is dead; we’re all free agents now, managing our own careers across multiple careers across multiple jobs and companies. And because today’s primary currency is information, a wide-reaching network is one of the surest ways to become and remain thought leaders of our respective fields.
Sticking to the people we already know is a tempting behavior. But unlike some forms of dating, a networker isn’t looking to achieve only a single successful union. Creating an enriching circle of trusted relationships requires one to be out there, in the mix, all the time.
Set a goal for yourself of initiating a meeting with one new person a week. It doesn’t matter where or with whom.
Keith Ferrazzi, Never Eat Alone And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time (The Ultimate Networker Reveals How to Build a Lifelong Community of Colleagues, Contacts, Friends, and Mentors)
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Okay. Time to state the obvious. 2010 is gone. 2011 is nearly 8 days gone.
Every day, every week, every month, they all fly by. And you think about things you intend to do – will do – absolutely will do! – in 2011, and the first week is already gone. Did you do what you intended to do? This week?
This is not a blog post about time management. (although, of course, it is). It is about one thing you need to do (one thing I need to do), with time in 2011.
We’ve got to get intentional, disciplined, regimented, about networking and marketing.
It does not matter what your job is. You need to be marketing all the time. And to market effectively, it helps to know the people you try to market to. Call it what you will; customer cultivation, relational customer strategy. This much is sure – if you did not do any of that “stuff” to make that happen in the first week of 2011, then that week is already gone. And the second week starts… in the blink of an eye.
So, here’s your challenge for 2011. Schedule time, every week, for networking and marketing. (AND! Keep your schedule!). Decide now which day of the week you will set aside for a lunch meeting with a client/potential client/potential customer. Set aside some time every week (every day) to use whatever social media or other media you can find (Twitter; Facebook; your blog; old fashioned letter or notecard writing). See somebody. Write to many. Keep at it. Quickly. Every 60 seconds is racing by.
A very good, now retired Real Estate Agent in our neighborhood called all of this “farming.” She always planted seeds, and she always kept in touch with all of her “A List” clients” She never knew when one of them would be ready to buy, sell, move – or when they would have a friend in need of a good agent. But this she did know – when that moment came, they would think about her, and know how to get in touch with her. And she was ready to help.
What about your client base/customer base? Is it expanding? Are they thinking of you? Do they know how to reach you easily?
Quick, there is not a minute to lose. Market; network; this week, every week, of 2011.
The minutes, the days, the weeks, the months, they are all so unforgiving…
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run…
