Tag Archives: James Carville
Flattery; Charm – Essential “Tools” for the Road to Success (insight from Pfeffer, Carville & Begala, Kouzes & Pozner, & Mae West)
Flattery will get you everywhere.
Mae WestAss-kissing is both an art and a science. No one gets to the top without learning how to deal with people you can’t stand. And usually the best way to deal with them is to pretend you can stand them. If it makes it easier for you, don’t think of it as ass-kissing. Think of it as charm. Anytime someone says to you, “That guy sure was charming,” what he’s really saying is “That guy kissed my ass. I liked it. Therefore I like him.”
James Carville and Paul Begala, Buck Up, Suck Up… and Come Back When You Foul Up (12 Winning Secrets from the War Room)This story is a constant reminder to us of the power of a very simple principle of human performance: people like to be recognized for doing their best. Encouragement increases the chance that people will actually achieve higher levels of performance.
James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Pozner, Encouraging the Heart: A Leaders Guide to Rewarding and Encouraging OthersOne of the best ways to make those in power feel better about themselves is to flatter them. Flattery engages the norm of reciprocity – if you compliment someone, that person owes you something in return…
Jeffrey Pfeffer: Power: Why Some People Have it – and Others Don’t
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So, I’m deep into my reading of Power by Jeffrey Pfeffer. I keep thinking about a section on flattery. He is clear – flattery has a much better chance of getting you ahead than most anything else, (like confrontation, criticism…). This is a theme that I’ve seen from a number of authors. The Carville and Begala book (don’t let your politics, or theirs, put you off – this is an immensely practical, and smart book) put it right there in the title: “Suck Up.”
Why does flattery work? Well, think about the last time you were criticized, slammed, shamed, “dissed,” rejected, ridiculed… How did you feel? My guess is, not too good. So it is with all others, including those “over” you. Aim for flattery – tell others how good they are at what they do, tell others what value they bring — praise them!
In the Pfeffer book, he records the advice given by Jack Valenti to President Lyndon Baines Johnson (whom he served as an aide):
“What I am suggesting is that the President fasten down support for his cause by resorting to an unchanging human emotion – the need to feel wanted and admired.”
And then Pfeffer describes how Valenti himself lived out the practice of “flattering the other,” always, to everyone!
As a reader of many business books, I get confused at times. There are books that talk about those crucial conversations that we occasionally need to have, those fierce conversations, that boldly confront the serious issues at hand. Yet Pfeffer warns us that these conversations may really backfire. In fact, he counsels not to criticize/correct your boss (get someone else to do it!).
In other words, a slight, an “attack,” a criticism, may never be forgotten, and may do serious long-term damage. On the other hand, flattery might just get you… everywhere!
“Honored and not diminished. That’s how we all want to feel.” This is the simple formula to remember (found in Encouraging the Heart).
So, learn to use flattery. Even when you don’t want to. Remember Carville & Begala’s advice:
Ass-kissing is both an art and a science. No one gets to the top without learning how to deal with people you can’t stand. And usually the best way to deal with them is to pretend you can stand them. If it makes it easier for you, don’t think of it as ass-kissing. Think of it as charm. Anytime someone says to you, “That guy sure was charming,” what he’s really saying is “That guy kissed my ass. I liked it. Therefore I like him.”
What to do When you have a Big-Time Failure on Your hands – Reflections on Toyota, and counsel from Carville and Begala
News item: Toyota’s January Sales Drop 16 Percent After Recall
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There are books that I read years ago that pop into memory over and over again. One such book I presented back in May of 2002 at the First Friday Book Synopsis. It is a brilliant, incredibly practical book. And though it is written by partisans that worked and succeeded to get Bill Clinton elected, the wisdom and counsel is absolutely right-on for any one in business and in life.
The book is Buck Up, Suck Up… and Come Back When You Foul Up (12 Winning Secrets from the War Room) by James Carville & Paul Begala. Here’s just one short quote to give you a feel for their style and their directness:
You can throw the rest of the book away – and have a damn good shot at being successful in life – if you swear, right here and right now, that you’ll never, ever quit.
I thought of the book again as I watched the Toyota problem unfold. And I remembered their advice about what to do when a real, big, serious failure of some kind or another threatens your very existence. They knew something about such a problem, and probably wished that their boss had followed their advice a little more fully.
Their advice can be summed up this way – when you have a big-time failure on your hands:
• you tell it
• you tell it now
• you tell it all
• you take the blame.
• you fix it as quickly and as thoroughly as you can
Their reasoning is simple. It will come out. And if you can get ahead of the revelations, then you look like a bad guy, but at least you came clean about it.
I thought of this as I saw a series of incomplete and delayed reactions from Toyota to a problem that, we now know, has something of a history. Many observers agree, their response was slow in coming, incomplete… And I think there is a sense that people are not fully satisfied that the fix will fix it.
Here’s my take: you will mess up someday. Maybe in a big way. And we’ve learned that the aftermath of such a big-time failure, in far too many cases, makes the whole matter worse. So, remember their advice: tell it, tell it all, tell it now…
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By the way, here are their twelve winning secrets. It’s a great list.
1) Don’t quit, don’t ever quit.
2) Kiss Ass.
3) Kick Ass.
4) Frame the Debate.
5) Understand the difference between strategy and tactics.
6) Be open.
7) Know how to communicate.
8) Work your Ass off.
9) Turn weakness into strength.
10) Be nimble, Jack.
11) Know how to recover when you really screw up.
12) Know what to do when you win.
Mark McGwire Admits to Steroid Use — and Some Damage Control Counsel from Carville and Begala
Mark McGwire as he admits using steroids
News item: Mark McGwire now admits to using steroids and other substances during his glory years.
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Way back in May, 2002, I presented the synopsis of a book that struck some as an unusual choice for the First Friday Book Synopsis: Buck Up, Suck Up… and Come Back When You Foul Up (12 Winning Secrets from the War Room) by James Carville and Paul Begala. But I say with no hesitation that it was a terrific book, with valuable advice and transferable principles for anyone concerned about success in business..
Unfortunately, my handout was lost in a computer crash one or two crashes back. But I remember this valuable advice in a chapter entitled: Know how to recover when you really screw up. When you really screw up (their term; and you will — note this phrase from the subtitle: “Come Back When You Fowl Up” — because you will fowl up!) — tell it first, tell it all, and tell it now. Carville and Begala were reflecting on lessons learned during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. (And, no, Bill Clinton did not handle that the way they recommend).
Here’s what I think. People really do screw up. It’s a bad thing to mess up. It hurts a lot of people, and people of character need to say no to any and all temptation and stay on the right and narrow path. But if history and personal experience teach us anything, everyone messes up/everyone fails. (You want a religious term: “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Notice that word “all.”) And the news is filled with the stories of people who mess up/screw up/fail.
And the lesson is this: it is bad to mess up. And then it adds to the bad consequences when it is not dealt with correctly. That is the McGwire story, and his failure to come clean added to the “tragedy” of the story.
I thought of all this as I read about the now much too late (but, maybe, better late than never) admission of Mark McGwire. Here’s Huffington Post’s excerpt, with video, of NBC’s Brian Williams’ treatment of this story:
“Because this is a family broadcast, we probably can’t say what we’d like to about the news today that Mark McGwire … stopped lying,” Brian Williams began. The baseball slugger confessed that he used steroids during his career, including the home-run race with Sammy Sosa that is often credited for the resurgence of America’s pastime.
“For those of us who were raising young baseball fans and baseball players who looked up to Mark McGwire, that summer of ’98 was magical stuff,” continued the anchor. “Apparently, even for him, the shame here was too much.
After the report by Anne Thompson, Williams delivered one more strike. “Kind of an American tragedy, the way it’s ended so far.”
Sadly, that story could be repeated and has been repeated time and again. And the lesson to learn should be this: don’t screw up! But if (when!) you do, tell it first, tell it all, tell it now. People will be let down as it is. Don’t let them down any further. And this is true whether it be a personal failure, or a business failure.
