Tag Archives: Encouraging the Heart: A Leaders Guide to Rewarding and Encouraging Others
“Set-up-to-Fail,” Shame on You, Bad for All – “Set-up-to-Succeed,” Good on You, Good for All
Here are your two choices.
You can set someone up to succeed.
or
You can set someone up to fail.
In Encouraging the Heart, Kouzes and Posner describe the danger of the “Set-up-to-fail” syndrome.
The set-up-to-fail syndrome “is self-fulfilling and self-reinforcing – it is the quintessential vicious circle…”
High expectations or low expectations both influence other people’s performance. Only high expectations have a positive impact on actions and on feelings about oneself. Only high expectations can encourage the heart.
“Set-up-to-fail.” Just the phrase itself communicates almost everything you need to know. When you set up someone to fail, you do not provide: resources; coaching; mid-course corrections; basic need-to-know information; simple encouragement. You say to people “go do this,” and then you leave them on their own. If they succeed, you might reward them. If they fail, you blame them.
But you have set them up to fail. And when they fail, shame on you at least as much as shame on them.
But, when you set them up to succeed, you give them clear directions, but only with and after their input. You make sure they have the resources they need. If they do not know how to “do” part of the assignment, you get them training. And then, you check in, not as a policeman looking for violations, but as a coach. And when they succeed, which is now far more likely, you celebrate together even as you reward their success.
The choice really is yours. Are you setting people up to succeed, or to fail? And, by the way, if you are setting them up to fail, you are setting yourself up to fail.
—————
• note – of all the books I have presented over the last 13 years, it is increasingly clear that the one I go back to most often is Encouraging the Heart: A Leaders Guide to Rewarding and Encouraging Others by James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner. You can order my synopsis of this great and useful book, with audio + handout, from our companion site, 15minutebusinessbooks.com.
(Note: this is a recording from a web presentation from a few years ago – it was not recorded at our monthly First Friday Book Synopsis gathering. The audio is clearly understandable, but not quite the quality, or the “feel,” of some more recent presentations. – Read the faqs on the 15minutebusinessbooks site to get the scoop on the circumstances behind the recordings through the years).
We Need Empathy At Work, And Not Just Competition – Business (And Life) Counsel From Playwright Doug Wright
“We lead by being human. We do not lead by being corporate, professional, or institutional.” (Paul G. Hawken, founder, Smith and Hawken)
James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Pozner, Encouraging the Heart: A Leaders Guide to Rewarding and Encouraging OthersMore profoundly than just getting things done, strong connections with others represent a value unto themselves. Relationships lie at the heart of who we are as humans; they give our lives meaning and significance.
Dov Seidman, how: Why HOW we Do Anything Means Everything…In Business (and in Life)
————-
On a drive to a client’s last Thursday, I listened with rapt attention to a great hour on Think, the local NPR program (KERA – 90.1), hosted by Krys Boyd. Krys is a terrific, always thoroughly prepared interviewer, and her guests on Thursday were a Pulitzer and Tony winning playwright, and his high school drama teacher. Here’s the paragraph on Think’s web site:
Doug Wright
What makes a writer a writer, and how can a great teacher influence the arc of a writer’s career? We’ll spend this hour with playwright, author, screenwriter, actor, director Doug Wright and Linda Raya, the Highland Park High School Fine Arts director and theatre teacher who instructed Doug when he was a student at the school. Doug Wright will deliver the keynote address at this weekend’s 15th annual Highland Park Literary Festival.
During the interview, this paragraph absolutely gripped me (I transcribed this from the audio):
Doug Wright:
Art (should be perceived as) a serious subject. I’m very fond of saying that Art, and Drama in particular, is the one discipline that teaches empathy… Because if you’ve got a kid in Anne Frank, then they’re learning what it was like to be Jewish during World War II. Drama is all about slipping into someone’s shoes, and walking their walk…by studying plays and acting in them we learn tolerance.
And the emphasis in schools (athletics): we teach competition; we teach competition really, really well. But we don’t always teach empathy and tolerance. And I think that’s what these disciplines foster. And I think it is shocking and disturbing that they’re the first to meet the chopping block when legislators are looking at the state budget.
I have read a lot of business books over the years, and there is little shortage of discussion of concepts such as “winning,” competition,” “beating the competition,” “being first.”
But this interview reminded me that there is another, I think better, side to this whole endeavor – let’s call it the “human side.” And in the heart of this side is empathy – walking in another’s shoes. Doug Wright reminds us of the simple fact that all business leadership, all business management, all business endeavor begin (and end) with human beings.
Starting by being human might be the best business (and life) counsel of all.
An Epidemic Of Belittling And Ridicule – Time To Stop!
Let’s begin with the obvious. It is possible to treat someone in a belittling manner. Let’s acknowledge that we can speak with a tone, and words, of ridicule.
And let’s acknowledge this: there is nothing positive about these practices. Nothing. It does not build anyone up, it does not bring out the best in people, it does not enhance productivity, it does not nurture community.
And since it is possible to belittle, to ridicule, then we all know someone who is an expert at such practices. In fact, you – yes, you, the one reading this blog post – might be practicing the slimy art of belittling and ridicule yourself.
Stop it!
Those are my thoughts prompted by a short, simple, to the point tweet from Tom Peters. Here is his tweet:
Consultant called in for exec retreat. Enters, goes to white board, writes “DON’T BELITTLE;” turns and walks out. (YES!!!)
Now, I do not know why this slimy art seems to be on the rise (but I think it is). I might point to our toxic attack environment seen especially in talk radio, and overall lack of civility. I do know that some people who are very good at belittling and ridicule are making a lot of money practicing their craft.
In a Slate.com article It’s Not the Job Market: The three real reasons why Americans are more anxious than ever before by Taylor Clark, we find a reminder that we are increasingly more isolated than ever before:
America’s increasing loss of community, what we might call the “Bowling Alone” effect. Human contact and kinship help alleviate anxiety (our evolutionary ancestors, of course, were always safer in numbers), yet as we leave family behind to migrate all over the country, often settling in insular suburbs where our closest pal is our plasma-screen TV, we miss out on this all-important element of in-person connection.
Maybe this isolation makes us more willing to just treat people badly.
But, I think this really does need to be addressed, attacked, stopped. Or, as the management consultant quoted by Peters put it, “DON’T’ BELITTLE!,” maybe we all need to just start walking out of the room, start walking away from the people who do it, until they stop.
Remember this simple and powerful reminder from Kouzes and Pozner:
Honored and not diminished. That’s how we all want to feel.
James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Pozner: Encouraging the Heart: A Leaders Guide to Rewarding and Encouraging Others.
Flattery; Charm – Essential “Tools” for the Road to Success (insight from Pfeffer, Carville & Begala, Kouzes & Pozner, & Mae West)
Flattery will get you everywhere.
Mae WestAss-kissing is both an art and a science. No one gets to the top without learning how to deal with people you can’t stand. And usually the best way to deal with them is to pretend you can stand them. If it makes it easier for you, don’t think of it as ass-kissing. Think of it as charm. Anytime someone says to you, “That guy sure was charming,” what he’s really saying is “That guy kissed my ass. I liked it. Therefore I like him.”
James Carville and Paul Begala, Buck Up, Suck Up… and Come Back When You Foul Up (12 Winning Secrets from the War Room)This story is a constant reminder to us of the power of a very simple principle of human performance: people like to be recognized for doing their best. Encouragement increases the chance that people will actually achieve higher levels of performance.
James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Pozner, Encouraging the Heart: A Leaders Guide to Rewarding and Encouraging OthersOne of the best ways to make those in power feel better about themselves is to flatter them. Flattery engages the norm of reciprocity – if you compliment someone, that person owes you something in return…
Jeffrey Pfeffer: Power: Why Some People Have it – and Others Don’t
————–
So, I’m deep into my reading of Power by Jeffrey Pfeffer. I keep thinking about a section on flattery. He is clear – flattery has a much better chance of getting you ahead than most anything else, (like confrontation, criticism…). This is a theme that I’ve seen from a number of authors. The Carville and Begala book (don’t let your politics, or theirs, put you off – this is an immensely practical, and smart book) put it right there in the title: “Suck Up.”
Why does flattery work? Well, think about the last time you were criticized, slammed, shamed, “dissed,” rejected, ridiculed… How did you feel? My guess is, not too good. So it is with all others, including those “over” you. Aim for flattery – tell others how good they are at what they do, tell others what value they bring — praise them!
In the Pfeffer book, he records the advice given by Jack Valenti to President Lyndon Baines Johnson (whom he served as an aide):
“What I am suggesting is that the President fasten down support for his cause by resorting to an unchanging human emotion – the need to feel wanted and admired.”
And then Pfeffer describes how Valenti himself lived out the practice of “flattering the other,” always, to everyone!
As a reader of many business books, I get confused at times. There are books that talk about those crucial conversations that we occasionally need to have, those fierce conversations, that boldly confront the serious issues at hand. Yet Pfeffer warns us that these conversations may really backfire. In fact, he counsels not to criticize/correct your boss (get someone else to do it!).
In other words, a slight, an “attack,” a criticism, may never be forgotten, and may do serious long-term damage. On the other hand, flattery might just get you… everywhere!
“Honored and not diminished. That’s how we all want to feel.” This is the simple formula to remember (found in Encouraging the Heart).
So, learn to use flattery. Even when you don’t want to. Remember Carville & Begala’s advice:
Ass-kissing is both an art and a science. No one gets to the top without learning how to deal with people you can’t stand. And usually the best way to deal with them is to pretend you can stand them. If it makes it easier for you, don’t think of it as ass-kissing. Think of it as charm. Anytime someone says to you, “That guy sure was charming,” what he’s really saying is “That guy kissed my ass. I liked it. Therefore I like him.”
Reminders for the Day for Every Leader – from Kouzes & Posner, Encouraging the Heart
All of these quotes come from the terrific book, Encouraging the Heart: A Leaders Guide to Rewarding and Encouraging Others
(The Jossey-Bass Business and Management Series)
by James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Pozner (2003). It is the best book I have ever read on how to help people do their best. This is the task of actual leadership. Here are the quotes:
This story is a constant reminder to us of the power of a very simple principle of human performance: people like to be recognized for doing their best.
Encouragement increases the chance that people will actually achieve higher levels of performance.
Encouraging the Heart is ultimately about keeping hope alive. Leaders keep hope alive when they set high standards and genuinely express optimism about an individual’s capacity to achieve them. They keep hope alive when they give feedback and publicly recognize a job well done. They keep hope alive when they give their constituents the internal support that all human beings need to feel that they and their work are important and have meaning. They keep hope alive when they train and coach people to exceed their current capacities. Most important, leaders keep hope alive when they set an example. There really is nothing more encouraging than to see our leaders practice what they preach.
Really believe in your heart of hearts that your fundamental purpose, the reason for being, is to enlarge the lives of others. Your life will be enlarged also. And all of the other things we have been taught to concentrate on will take care of themselves. (Pete Thigpen, Executive Reserves)
Ask yourself this question: Do I need encouragement to perform at my best?
We don’t do our best in isolation. We don’t get extraordinary things done by working alone with no support, encouragement, expressions of confidence, or help from others. That’s not how we make the best decisions, get the best grades, run faster, achieve the highest levels of sales, invent breakthrough products, or live longer.
The best leaders… over and over again, express their belief in the innate goodness of human beings.
When leaders expect people to achieve, they do. When they label people underachievers, performance suffers. Passionately believing in people and expecting the best of them is another prerequisite to encouraging the heart.
Leadership development is self-development… To know what to change in our lives, we need to understand what we’re doing that is getting the results we want and what we’re doing that is not.
Most people produce more in an environment where they get positive feedback, and productivity diminishes where there is little or no feedback or where they only hear from their leaders if something is wrong.
The set-up-to-fail syndrome “is self-fulfilling and self-reinforcing – it is the quintessential vicious circle…”
High expectations or low expectations both influence other people’s performance. Only high expectations have a positive impact on actions and on feelings about oneself. Only high expectations can encourage the heart.
We lead by being human. We do not lead by being corporate, professional, or institutional. (Paul G. Hawken, founder, Smith and Hawken).
———-
You can purchase my synopsis of this book, with handout + audio, at our companion web site, 15minutebusinessbooks.com.
In Management (and in Many Other Endeavors) – Don’t Forget the Basics in this Complex World
This story is a constant reminder to us of the power of a very simple principle of human performance: people like to be recognized for doing their best.
Encouragement increases the chance that people will actually achieve higher levels of performance.
James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Pozner, Encouraging the Heart:
A Leaders Guide to Rewarding and Encouraging Others
———
It’s all so complicated.
It’s all so simple.
We live in a complex world. The complexity is growing almost by the day. Managing is tougher than it used to be.
We live in a simple world. Managing requires learning, and mastering, the basics – over and over again.
Business Week has a click-through article, Twenty Tips for First-Time Managers. It is a good, quick reminder of many of the basics. I have pulled a few of the tips out. But it’s worth the time to take a look at the full list – especially if you are managing people. Here are some of those tips:
1. Learn the Business
2. Meet with Your People Individually
6. Develop Each Person (Including Yourself)
It’s the universal question: How can I take my employees to the next level? Like anything, it requires planning, attention, and commitment. Start with recognizing each person’s strengths, goals, and areas for improvement. From there, establish individual plans, no different from your department plan. Seek out opportunities where they can learn and contribute (and move out of their comfort zones). Check in regularly on their performance. Face it, your reports won’t all stay in their jobs forever. Know where they want to go; motivate them by helping them get there.
9. Build Bridges with Other Departments
14. Treat Them Like Adults
15. Care About Them Personally
No one aspires to be a lousy manager. It’s often the accumulation of little things—careless comments or hypocritical acts—that erodes camaraderie and trust. Fortunately, little things like a private gesture or kind word also set managers apart. So how can you strengthen your relationships? Start by learning what makes them tick. Are they looking for money, recognition, influence, or meaning? Who are their family members and pets? What are their interests? Most important, accept them for who they are. You won’t mold everyone into a superstar, but steady performers bring equal value over the long haul. (Kouzes and Posner tell us to personalize recognition).
18. Provide Ongoing Communication
19. Be Consistent
